go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
