oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize