i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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