I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
