Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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