pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
