I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
