Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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