I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
