The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it because I queefed?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
