I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
