its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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