its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
