whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
