so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
