Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
