Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
