wat bout pragnant strippers??
now i know why i became what i already was.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
