I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
