I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
