I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
