So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
