there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
