i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
