Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
