I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
