My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
