i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
