I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
