i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
