i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
