Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
