she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
