U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were destined to go to rehab together
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
