Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's the barista slut.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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