I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am one with the molecules
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
