Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
