i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
