Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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