i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
