we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
