I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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