I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
