So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
