gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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