last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
