If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
