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I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
