im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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