Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Terrible idea I love it
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