Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
