You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
