Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
