Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
