just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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