My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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