Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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