i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
