apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
