Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize