all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
