Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
