The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's the barista slut.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize