so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
