Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
