After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
