plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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