If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
