dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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