i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
that is very illegal...i love you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
