as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
