I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
