There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
