your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
