Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
