I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
